


Never the Same Again

by mean_whale



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Mentions of straight sex, Rape, Unrequited Love, Violence, straight!oikawa, this is all kinds of horrible
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-24
Updated: 2016-02-24
Packaged: 2018-05-23 00:46:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6099328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mean_whale/pseuds/mean_whale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Iwaizumi stumbles home, and something about Oikawa gets to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never the Same Again

**Author's Note:**

> College AU where Iwaizumi and Oikawa are roommates.
> 
> I wrote this because I love Oikawa. It's not his fault my love is violent.

Oikawa was home alone that evening. He had waited for Iwaizumi to come back, but as time ticked by it became more and more likely that his friend had hooked up with a nice girl and wouldn't be back until morning. Oikawa’s old knee injury had recently resurfaced, and because he had been strictly instructed to let it rest he had chosen to stay home to make sure he wouldn’t accidentally put too much strain on it. He had been sitting down all day, so he finally got up and stretched his arms, a yawn pushing its way out of him.

It was well past midnight, and Oikawa changed into his pyjamas. He missed having company, and it made him slower. He dragged himself around the apartment to get ready for bed, his footsteps almost echoing off the walls in the silence. He switched the lights off and retired to his room, where he continued to aimlessly shuffle around before he finally sat down on the bed.

Truth be told, it bothered him to think about Iwaizumi being out there and probably having some great sex, while he was trapped in the bleak loneliness of their shared apartment. He wanted to be out too, he wanted to have sex too. He lay down to think about the last time he'd gotten laid. It had been several weeks, which suddenly started to feel like years. He tried to remember the girl, but couldn't be certain if her hair had been red or black, whether her breasts had been the bouncy type or just the right amount to fill his hands when he cupped them.

It didn’t matter. What really mattered was the heat of another person that he could sink into, the sounds of someone breathing the same air as him, the proof that he wasn’t alone. Oikawa lazily palmed his cock through his pants. He should really try to find a girlfriend.

His thoughts were interrupted by the doorbell, followed by loud banging on the door. Oikawa got up and hurried to the hall. He didn’t want the neighbours to complain about noise in the middle of the night. He opened the door.

“Iwa-chan,” he said and frowned at his friend who was standing by the door, leaning heavily on the wall by it. “Keep it down. It’s late.”

Iwaizumi didn’t really say anything, just grumbled and pushed Oikawa out of the way to step in. Oikawa shut the door behind him and turned to look at how difficult it seemed to be for Iwaizumi to take his shoes off.

“I thought you weren’t coming at all,” he said. “Figured you’d found a girl for the night.”

Iwaizumi let out another grumbling sound. Oikawa turned his back to his staggering friend and headed back to his room.

“Try to be quiet, Iwa-chan,” he said. “I was already in bed.”

There was a sound that startled Oikawa. It made him think that Iwaizumi had probably dropped down to the floor and needed help, but before he could turn around and look, a hand grabbed the back of his shirt, pulling back so the collar was tight around his neck.

“Iwa-chan?” he asked, and yelped when something hit his ribs.

Oikawa stumbled forward with the way Iwaizumi’s weight was leaning on him, and started to realise that his friend had just hit him. He tried to keep his balance while stopping Iwaizumi from pushing him towards his room.

“What are you doing?” he asked, irritated, and his question was met with another punch, this time on his jaw.

The door to Iwaizumi’s room was closed and Oikawa collided into it with a loud bang. Iwaizumi still had a strong grip of his shirt, the strength of a single arm impressive in the way it was crushing him against the door. Iwaizumi opened it, and Oikawa would have fallen to the floor if not for the hand holding his shirt and dragging him into balance.

“Iwa-chan?” Oikawa tried again, but there was no reaction from Iwaizumi.

Instead he stumbled into the room with Iwaizumi right behind him, pushing and shoving him. Oikawa pushed back to make him stop, wouldn’t budge when Iwaizumi tried a bit harder. He turned around to face his friend, who was staring at him with dark eyes. Oikawa couldn’t even begin to imagine what those eyes were seeing, but he was sure he didn’t want to know.

“I’m going to my own room now,” Oikawa said and took a step toward the door, but Iwaizumi kicked him on his bad knee.

The pain shot through his body and sent sparks into every nerve on his body. He fell on the floor, leaning on the bad knee, and tried to roll off it. The door was slammed shut and Iwaizumi turned to look at him again.

“What are you doing?” Oikawa asked.

In response there was another kick. Iwaizumi had only managed to get one shoe off, and was now using the remaining one to get more power to his kicks. He hit Oikawa on the arm. Oikawa’s knee was in so much pain he hardly even noticed the bruising force of it before his arm gave up and he slumped sideways, catching himself just in time before hitting his head on the floor. He had no time to recover when new kicks were aimed at his body, most of them hitting his legs and his bad knee. Tears of pain were blinding him as he screamed. He crawled away from Iwaizumi’s attack, pulling his injured knee behind his body, and the next kicks hit his back and the arm he was holding out to try to stop it.

“Stop!” he yelled, and to his surprise there were no more kicks.

He turned his head to look back at Iwaizumi, who was now bent down to his level. Their eyes met, but he couldn’t really understand the look in Iwaizumi’s eyes. It was distant, as if he didn’t need to see what was before him, as if he had been swallowed up by a darkness and couldn’t find a light. It scared him more than anything else had ever scared him before. The corners of his eyes were moist with tears, and he saw it in slow motion, how Iwaizumi lifted a heavy fist and aimed right at his face. He felt the impact only after it had already gone, his head turned to the side. He lifted his own arm to protect himself, but Iwaizumi’s fist connected with that too, punching on the same spot where he had already been kicked, and his arm went down. The next punch was on his face again, and after each one he tried to protect himself, to push Iwaizumi away, anything to get out of there.

The left side of his face was burning with all the blows to it, and he pulled his arms over it to protect it. He was sobbing, his knee was on fire, and he didn’t think there were many places in his body that didn’t ache. He could taste blood, and a quick lick on his lips revealed a cut that was already swollen. He tried to curl up as much as he could, but Iwaizumi’s hand grabbed his shirt again and rolled him on his back. He still had his arms covering his head, but Iwaizumi violently pulled them away and landed a new punch right next to his nose. The force of it made Oikawa’s head jump on the floor, and suddenly breathing got hard. His nose must have been bleeding, but he couldn’t check it out before Iwaizumi was dragging him towards the bed, pulling him up off the floor.

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa tried. “Why are you doing this?”

Oikawa couldn’t lean on his knee at all, which made it easier for Iwaizumi to get him on the bed, his legs hanging off of the edge of it. Oikawa tried to use his good leg to kick Iwaizumi, but couldn’t get proper strength behind it. His reward was a brutal blow to his stomach, making him whimper and try to double up. Iwaizumi pulled his pants off when he was still trying to recover from the hit.

Everything was happening too fast for Oikawa to have time to process it all. If he focused on the pain, he couldn’t keep up with what was happening, but trying to keep up was difficult with all the pain he was in. He tried to sit up, but Iwaizumi hit him on the side of his head, effectively knocking him back down. He heard Iwaizumi zip open his jeans, and a new panic started to set in.

“What are you doing?” he asked, trying to turn on his side to slip away but was stopped by a strong punch. “I don’t understand. Iwa-chan, stop it!”

Iwaizumi kicked Oikawa’s legs apart and stood between them, his hard cock on his hand. Oikawa stared at the sight in horror, trying frantically to find a way out, but finding none. Iwaizumi took a hold of his right leg, making sure to bend the knee in an agonising way. Oikawa wanted to struggle, but the pain was so severe he couldn’t even properly trash around as Iwaizumi hooked the leg over his shoulder and spread his ass to reveal his puckered opening.

“Iwa-chan,” he sobbed when a rough finger pushed against the entrance.

Iwaizumi lifted his hand up, making Oikawa flinch, but only spat in it. With the spit slicked fingers he pushed at Oikawa’s hole again, slipping a finger inside.

“Iwa-chan, stop,” Oikawa cried. “It hurts. Please, stop it!”

He felt another finger press into him, making his muscles twitch with the intrusion. His knee was hanging in an excruciating angle over Iwaizumi’s back, and he was slightly worried that all the blood dripping from his nose might suffocate him. His vision was getting blurry with all the pain, when Iwaizumi pulled his fingers out. He didn’t really look anymore, he didn’t really see, but Iwaizumi spat on his hand again, and Oikawa knew what he was slicking up with it. He lifted both of his hands to push on Iwaizumi’s body, to scratch on his face, anything that might get him out of the situation, but Iwaizumi simply lifted his free hand and squeezed on Oikawa’s bad knee. Oikawa’s arms dropped down onto the bed, his fingers digging into the sheets to make it easier to bear. He was screaming for Iwaizumi to stop, he was begging and pleading, but nothing stopped the other man. Oikawa felt the tip of Iwaizumi’s cock pushing against his hole, fingers spreading his cheeks apart, and the burn of the cock tearing him open on its way in.

“Please, no!” he cried out, but the cock was steadily pushing deeper into him.

Oikawa felt like his body was torn open, his skin pulled apart, and there was a burning spot on his knee and his ass. Tears were flowing freely down his temples, and he trashed his head as if it would make a difference. It felt like forever had become one moment, and it was this moment, the never-ending torture that would eventually kill him. His vision was getting dark, and he didn’t notice when Iwaizumi had pushed his entire cock in but the way his hips started moving like in a hurry. Each thrust felt like it was tearing up something inside Oikawa, like the core of him was collapsing. Each thrust made Iwaizumi groan with a low voice rising from his chest, and for one mad moment Oikawa thought that in another setting it might have turned him on.

Each thrust of Iwaizumi’s hips pushed Oikawa farther into the bed, and Iwaizumi followed. It was a twisted chase, the predator not letting his prey go after already having sunk its teeth in once. The way Iwaizumi was hovering over Oikawa made him appear much bigger and stronger than usual, the strength in him somehow animalistic, and Oikawa was afraid he would get bitten. He was almost expecting for a pair of strong fangs to appear out of Iwaizumi’s mouth and sink into his tender flesh.

Oikawa was crying, sobbing hysterically, but given up. He wasn’t trying to control his tears, his thoughts, or the pain he was feeling. He wasn’t trying to escape. He looked at the face looming over him. Iwaizumi’s mouth was hanging open, and a trail of saliva was hanging from his tongue. His eyes were closed and brows furrowed in concentration, his cheeks pink with the sex, and beads of sweat making their way down his neck. Oikawa looked at the face looming over him, and he was filled with the sorrow of understanding, that it was the face of the person he had loved the most, the one face he had known all his life and come to rely on, and that from now on it would be the face of the most horror he had ever endured. This was the face Iwaizumi wore when he had sex, and now it was the face of his assailant, and it would never become anything more than that.

Oikawa squeezed his eyes shut. Iwaizumi’s movements were getting stuttering, his hips pressing against Oikawa’s ass, pushing motion turning to rolls, and Oikawa didn’t want to know what kind of a face he wore when he came, his semen shooting deep inside Oikawa’s raw ass. Iwaizumi collapsed over Oikawa, the weight of him pulling the injured knee into a painful position. Oikawa shouted, his voice coarse with the overuse.

He expected for Iwaizumi to pull out, but instead the man started moving his hips again, first slowly but gathering speed until he was pounding into Oikawa with intent. His lips were pressing against Oikawa’s neck and shoulder, his blunt teeth finding purchase and letting go. He opened his mouth, and the moisture of his breath made Oikawa shudder. His tongue was lapping at the skin, tasting the salty sweat of Oikawa’s pain with each lick. He mouthed at Oikawa’s ear when he came a second time, his moan of utter bliss making its way right to Oikawa’s heart like a knife.

This time Iwaizumi’s hips stopped moving. His mouth remained at Oikawa’s ear, sucking the lobe in his mouth and releasing, his tongue slipping behind it before his head fell on the bed. With a groan he pulled his softening cock out of Oikawa and heavily rolled over next to him.

Seconds were ticking by, turning into minutes. Oikawa shifted, causing Iwaizumi to grouse angrily. Oikawa stayed still. He listened to the way Iwaizumi’s breathing got heavier and slower. He sat up slowly. His body was a mess, and moving was difficult. He tried to get up, but Iwaizumi was on his way, and he didn’t have the strength to climb over his sleeping form. He didn’t want to risk waking the man up either. He shivered with the cold air of the room. His knee was constantly aching, keeping his eyes watery. He pulled Iwaizumi’s blanket over him and lay down, his back turned to the sleeping man next to him. Finally he was free to curl up into a ball.

Eventually Oikawa too fell asleep, but woke up to every movement or murmur from Iwaizumi. His entire body was in pain, his knee and ass burning, and he felt the stickiness of dried up semen between his legs. His mouth still tasted like blood, and he couldn’t stop sobbing into the blanket wrapped around him. He would never have his best friend again.

 

*

 

He woke up with a deep breath, and the sun was too bright. He turned around to sleep more, but there was something very uncomfortable about the bed. He tried to remember the previous night. He had gone out with some friends, but then things got really blurry. It had never happened before – he never drank enough to lose his memories. If the night had been anything like the nights before, he had probably pretended to be interested in some boring girls until his friends were gone, then hooked up with a guy and gone to his place or a hotel, had sex and imagined Oikawa in bed with him.

The thought of Oikawa brought back something, a tickle at the edge of his memory. Maybe he had found someone who resembled his best friend. He was probably still with the guy, so he would find out soon enough. But first he needed more sleep.

Iwaizumi let his thoughts die out and was ready to sink back into sleep, when he heard a sniffle. It awakened him once more. He tried to open his eyes, but the sun was so bright it felt like it was burning through his eyelids. He lifted a hand to his forehead to shadow his eyes and opened them to slits. He couldn’t really see anything past his eyelashes, but bit by bit he could open his eyes more, until they were completely open.

The confusion of seeing his own room distracted him from his bed partner. When had he gotten home? He couldn’t remember anything after his second drink of the night, no matter how hard he tried. He rubbed his face and tried to think logically. No one knew he was gay, so if he wanted to bang he never came home. Never ever. Never.

Thinking was proving much more difficult than he wanted. He never brought men home. He didn’t do it even if he knew Oikawa had left with a woman, just to be on the safe side. Could he have messed up and brought a man home with him?

A whimper from behind him scattered his thoughts all over. Why was there someone in his bed, where he had never brought anyone before?

Maybe, a hopeful part of him thought, Oikawa had finally noticed him, noticed his feelings, and confessed to feeling the same way.

He wanted to laugh at the thought, but his head was seriously aching. It was frustrating to try to think back to something he couldn’t remember. How could his second drink have messed with him so bad?

Yet another sniffle triggered him into action. He slowly sat up. He was wearing his clothes, and one shoe. Interesting. His cock was hanging out of his jeans. That was interesting too. Usually he took the time to properly take his clothes off, or at least his pants. He groaned and pressed his head into his hands. He had no idea what was going on, and by the looks of it he wasn’t sure if he even wanted to know.

Only one thing was certain, and that was now clear in his head: Oikawa had been home last night. Maybe he had been lucky and gotten into his room without Oikawa noticing the man with him. If he was really lucky, he would get the man out of the house without Oikawa ever knowing a thing. The apartment was quiet. Oikawa might have been asleep.

Slowly Iwaizumi turned around to look at the lump behind him. The man had wrapped the blanket tightly around him, leaving only his chocolate brown hair visible. He sure had gotten lucky to find someone with such a similar hairstyle to Oikawa’s. He kicked his shoe off and stood up to tuck his cock back into his pants. The jeans were too tight, and he pulled them down until they dropped on the floor.

He turned back to the bed, his head swaying with the movement. He looked at the visitor in his bed. Something in his posture told him that the man was awake.

“Hey,” he said quietly. “You need to get out before my roommate wakes up.”

There was no answer, except for the way the man seemed to freeze.

“I mean it,” Iwaizumi said and reached out to pull the blanket off the man.

The man whined and cowered away from him. What the hell had happened last night?

Iwaizumi had to nearly rip the blanket off of the man’s clutch, pulling it down all the way to reveal a pair of bruised legs and a shirt clad torso, the shirt not quite long enough to cover the round ass that had been dripping come all night. The man curled into himself, as far away from him as possible. Iwaizumi frowned and sat down on the bed.

“Come on,” he said and rolled the man on his back.

The man turned around with a wail, and Iwaizumi jumped up so fast he tripped on his own legs and fell on the floor.

“Oikawa?” he gasped, taking a moment before getting up.

It sure was Oikawa, although it was difficult to tell: the left side of his face was badly bruised, his eye swollen, his lip split and swollen as well, blood staining his right cheek and nose. His eyes were red and watery, streams of dried up tears evident on his face. Oikawa didn’t look at him. His gaze was aimed low and there was no life in it. He was breathing heavily, a sniff tearing up from his chest every now and then. His arms were bruised too, lying limp by his sides.

“Oikawa?” Iwaizumi said again, this time making sure to keep his voice soft. “What the hell happened to you?”

There was no reaction to his words. Oikawa lay on the bed like he was dead, still breathing, but dead all the same.

Iwaizumi sat down on the bed, which made Oikawa jolt away from him. He looked at the body in front of him, littered with bruises, his bad knee swollen and red.

“How did this happen?” he asked. “Who did this to you?”

There was no answer. Oikawa’s eyes weren’t moving, his body was still like a puppet. If he wasn’t breathing and slowly blinking his eyes, Iwaizumi might have thought he was just a doll, a dummy built to resemble the man he loved in a sick joke.

“Tooru,” he cried out.

There was a slight change in Oikawa’s face. There was a hint of hesitation in the eyes that had quickly turned to glance at him.

“Please, talk to me,” Iwaizumi tried, but the moment was gone, and Oikawa was back to lying still.

Iwaizumi didn’t know what to do. His head was drumming and he really needed a painkiller or two and a good sleep, but his friend needed him more. He tried to clear his mind, but so many details were cramped there all at once he could hardly make sense of them. He thought about the dry semen that was staining Oikawa’s skin. He glimpsed at Oikawa’s lower body. The shirt had ridden up his stomach when Iwaizumi had turned him around, exposing his flaccid cock and yet another huge bruise on his belly.

“Take your shirt off,” Iwaizumi said.

To his surprise Oikawa complied, and stripped out of his shirt with great difficulty. Iwaizumi took it and placed it on his pillow before turning to look at Oikawa again. His naked body was somehow much harder to look at, even though the only new bruise he hadn’t seen yet was on his ribs, that one as big as some of the others.

“Let me see your back,” Iwaizumi said, and after hesitating for a moment Oikawa turned to his side.

The movement made him flinch, and that made Iwaizumi feel sick. He didn’t feel any better when he saw the numerous bruises blooming all over Oikawa’s back. He couldn’t help himself; he reached to touch the colourful skin. Oikawa immediately shrank away from his touch, and he withdrew his hand. He looked at Oikawa’s ass, and sure enough there were stains of semen on the cheeks and down to his thighs. Now that he looked closer he noticed the blood as well.

“Oh my god,” he gasped, and without thinking about it rolled Oikawa back over. “Who did this to you?”

Oikawa had looked at him properly for the first time when he rolled him on his back, but now his eyes were turned away again. Even that short moment of seeing them was enough to send chills down Iwaizumi’s spine; the way there were so full of fear was unlike anything he had ever seen on his friend’s face.

“I should call the police,” Iwaizumi said and stood up.

“No.”

Iwaizumi halted and turned to look at Oikawa, who had uttered his first word with a raw voice. The man was still not looking at him, and a part of Iwaizumi thought he may have imagined it. He had his eyes fixed on Oikawa’s mouth when he said:

“Whoever did this needs to be punished.”

“No.”

Oikawa’s lips had moved, the word was real, and Iwaizumi was just as confused as he had been all morning. He sat back down.

“Look at you,” he said with a serious voice. “You’re completely destroyed. No one deserves to get away with something like this.”

“I don’t want to.”

Iwaizumi sighed. He wanted to shake Oikawa into understanding that something had to be done.

“At least you should go to a hospital,” he said.

“No.”

Iwaizumi closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He tried to remember the previous night, but his last memory remained the same: he was drinking his second beer and laughing at a stupid joke someone had told.

“I want you to be treated,” he said quietly and opened his eyes to look at Oikawa, whose eyes were shining with new tears. “Let me call the police and an ambulance.”

“No.”

“Tooru!” he cried out in frustration. “I did this, didn’t I?”

He didn’t need Oikawa to say a thing, he already knew from the way the man seemed to stop breathing the moment he said it. His eyes were filling with tears as well, and his head was banging like it would explode soon.

“I don’t understand,” he sobbed, and vaguely understood that Oikawa was now looking at him. “I don’t understand why I would do something like this. Tooru, I love you.”

He couldn’t help himself: he leaned down and pulled his friend into a tight hug, trying to avoid the bruises. He held Oikawa in his arms, sobbing into his soft hair. Oikawa didn’t move, he was like dead weight in his hold, and he cried harder.

“I have always loved you,” he whimpered. “I don’t understand what happened. I can’t remember anything from last night. I’m so sorry.”

He repeated his words over and over again, until his tears started to dry up. He carefully lowered Oikawa back on the bed, and stroked his hair. He saw that Oikawa was crying too, and wiped the tears away with gentle hands.

“I don’t deserve to be protected by you,” he said. “You have to tell the police.”

“No.”

Oikawa’s voice was stuffy and quiet.

“Tooru,” he whimpered, his hand shaking against Oikawa’s skin. “I love you so much. I always wanted to be with you and protect you. How could I have done something like this? I don’t deserve your kindness.”

“Stupid Iwa-chan,” Oikawa hiccupped and turned to his side, his back to Iwaizumi.

Iwaizumi’s hand remained on Oikawa’s skin. Oikawa was crying.

“I’ll move away,” Iwaizumi said. “I’ll help you wash yourself and get better, and then I’ll leave. I’ll make sure to never bother you again. You won’t ever have to be afraid of me.”

Oikawa was crying harder, and a hand reached out to take a hold of Iwaizumi’s.

“Iwa-chan,” he sobbed. “How can I still want you to stay with me when I was so afraid of you last night? Why do I still want you around me when you caused me so much pain I could hardly take it?”

Iwaizumi was shaking his head in disbelief. He lowered his head to press a careful kiss on Oikawa’s shoulder.

“You’ll miss me at first,” he said quietly, “but you’ll find new friends. Better friends. You’ll find someone who will always treat you with the respect you deserve.”

Oikawa turned around to face Iwaizumi, and flinched before wrapping his arms around Iwaizumi’s neck to pull him into a clumsy hug.

“Don’t you dare leave me,” he whispered with a stuffy voice. “Don’t you dare leave me.”

Iwaizumi returned the hug as best as he could. He felt like his heart had been carved away and the hollow of it filled with acid. Oikawa was crying, and he knew that neither of them would ever be the same.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope the ending doesn't seem too abrupt. My initial idea was mostly for the first part so I had to figure the second part out as I was writing, which usually ends up with my not really knowing how to finish.
> 
> I have [a dedicated writing blog](http://mean-whalewrites.tumblr.com) but also sometimes talk about writing [on twitter](http://twitter.com/mean_whale), but to follow me on twitter please be over 18!


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